RECONCILIATION.

I have contemplated on whether to publish this month's post or ignore it all together. It's not that I have a writer's block or I am giving up on the consistency that I have worked hard to build over the last 10 months. On the contrary, I have a lot that I'd like to say and write about, especially for people who are going through the self discovery phase. 

Few things are as unsettling as trying to reconcile the discrepancy of who you thought you are and the reality of who you are. We barely talk about the ravaging thoughts of self-doubt, deception and denial that come to us as we try to rationalize the evidence of the reality. I understand why only a few people would want to talk about it because acknowledging uncertainty let alone talking about it, is hard.  

Vulnerability is not the smooth, heart-bearing process some people seem to think. It is gut-churning, with the risk of breaking hearts and ruining lives. The scrutiny that follows once a private moment is made public; particularly the bigoted grasping words spewed are enough to obliterate your peace and reputation. It's not okay, but it's to be expected.

This journey of self-realization is humbling. It forces you to retract your claws lest you scratch yourself. You cease to speak too soon on what you have learnt and observed in people outside yourself. You learn to extend grace and patience to others as you make peace with your internal contradictions. 

Having said that, I don't want this platform to have vapid posts. The labour is striving to maintain the privacy while being authentic. As I figure out how to strike that balance, I'd like to encourage you not to make premature, conclusive judgements on you or your life situation. You are not irreparably damaged. You will triumph.