RECOVERY.

The journey of self- discovery after a traumatic event in one's life is inescapable. Whether one chooses to walk through it intentionally or let circumstances dictate who they morph into, it is undeniable that we are never the same after the experience. 

Some examples of traumatic events are; the loss of a loved one, going through rejection, loss of a job, physical assault and sexual abuse. Of course, this list does not cover the entirety of these overwhelming happenings. The fact that the trauma you have experienced is not named or ''doesn't compare in severity'' to the other person's,  shouldn't invalidate your pain. 

The first step to recovery is recognizing that your existence has been fractured. This manifests mostly through cognitive distortions, which are the beliefs we hold to make sense of  circumstances that we have gone through. Look up some of the ubiquitous cognitive distortions here. When these beliefs inform our world view, we end defining ourselves and others by our wounds.

I agree it is easy let circumstances flow as they will, have the pain run its course and let the chips fall where they may. In this option, however, we risk repeating cycles, dysfunctional patterns and never showing up authentically. 

On the other hand, we can decide to challenge the thoughts and behaviors informed by damages sustained in the past and pains that dishonor us. Intentional healing involves acknowledging the temptation to constantly scroll through social media and abuse substances to distract or numb the pain. It is admitting the enticement of rebounding the pain away, the ease of keeping busy, all to escape the pain.

It is catching yourself pulsating in the thrum of possible disappointments, accepting that in the present moment, you may be needy and vulnerable and this will reflect in what and how you choose. It is being aware of your tolerance for the  people who only agree with what you say and not those who have a different perspective. 

It might even mean being ambiguous in your stance on different topics and confessing your struggle with stress and failure. This awareness, however gloomy, is the most crucial step towards recuperating from the tainted script we have been living by and getting reacquainted with yourself.

Only then, can we objectively move to counting the cost and weighing the gains of the tragedy in terms of time, truth, safety and joy, while reflecting on our contribution to the events. It is being cognizant that in the aftermath, things shift and relationships change, however gradual, slight or entirely. We have all fantasized about how beautiful it would be if we never experienced pain but that's not reality. Life is not without loss.

Allowing ourselves to operate in this liberated mindset; where we come into agreement with the love we should have for ourselves and what we want, is the reward of realigning the scale of self-worth that has been weighted on the other side for too long. 

Growth emerges in adversity. Remember to be kind to yourself even in the moments of relapse. Get excited about the possibility of opportunities that will open up for you, to nurture truth, love and safe spaces where you live genuinely. The high road to conscious recovery is seldom the easy and linear road, yet it has the greatest rewards.